هوم اسڪولنگ (K. Podorova)

خلاصا:

….many readers remember that my children do not go to school! Letters rained down with questions ranging from funny (“Is it really true ?!”) to serious ones (“How can I help my child get all the necessary knowledge?”). At first I tried to answer these letters, but then I decided that it would be easier to answer all at once …

Who goes to school in the morning…

تعارف

The start of the new school year has stirred up some parents’ old worries about «Will he be good at school?» And since many readers remembered that my children did not go to school, letters rained down with questions ranging from funny (“Is it really true ?!”) to serious ones (“How can I help my child get all the necessary knowledge?”). At first I tried to answer these letters, but then I decided that it would be easier to answer everyone at once — through the mailing list.

First, excerpts from letters that I have received in recent days.

“What you are talking about is very interesting. I read and heard about such things, but the characters have always been more «book characters» to me than real people. And you are very real.»

“I am very interested in homeschooling. My son doesn’t want to go to school now, and I don’t know how to give him school knowledge. Share your experience, please.»

“Let me ask a question (sorry if it sounds silly): Do your kids really not go to school? Truth? It seems impossible to me, because everywhere in Russia (like here in our country) school education is compulsory. How is it not to go to school? Tell me, it’s very interesting.»

“How not to send a child to school, but so that others do not call him a moron? And so that he does not grow up ignorant? I do not yet see an alternative to school in our country.”

“Tell me, do you teach children at home? When I begin to apply the possibility of home schooling to my own children, doubts immediately arise: will they want to study on their own? can i teach them? I often have problems with patience and tolerance, I quickly start to get annoyed over trifles. Yes, and children, it seems to me, perceive their mother in a different way than an outsider-teacher. The outsider disciplines. Or does it just deprive you of inner freedom?

I’ll try to start from the very beginning from those ancient times when my eldest son, like everyone else, went to school every morning. In the yard was the end of the 80s, «perestroika» had already begun, but nothing had changed at school yet. (And the idea that you can not go to school has not yet occurred to me, well, try to remember your childhood). After all, many of you went to school around the same time. Could your mothers think of the fact that you can not go to school? Could not. So I couldn’t.

How did we get to this life?

Having become a parent of a first-grader, I went to a parent-teacher meeting. And there I had the feeling that I was in the theater of the absurd. A crowd of adults (seemingly quite normal) sat at small tables, and they all diligently wrote down, under the dictation of the teacher, how many cells should be retreated from the left edge of the notebook, etc., etc. «Why don’t you write it down?!» they asked me sternly. I did not begin to talk about my feelings, but simply said that I did not see the point in this. Because my child will still count the cells, not me. (If it will be.)

Since then, our school «adventures» began. Many of them have become «family legends» that we recall with laughter when it comes to school experiences.

I will give one example, «the story of the exit from October.» At that time, all first-graders were still «automatically» enrolled in the Octobrists, and then they began to appeal to their «October conscience», etc. By the end of the first grade, my son realized that no one had asked him if he wanted to be an October boy. He started asking me questions. And after the summer holidays (at the beginning of the second grade) he announced to the teacher that he was “coming out of October”. The school began to panic.

They arranged a meeting where the children proposed measures of punishment for my child. The options were: “exclude from school”, “force to be an October student”, “put a deuce in behavior”, “do not transfer to the third grade”, “do not accept pioneers”. (Perhaps this was our chance to switch to external education even then, but we did not understand this.) We settled on the option “not to accept as pioneers”, which suited my son quite well. And he remained in this class, not being an October student and not participating in October entertainment.

Gradually, my son gained a reputation at school as a “rather strange boy,” who was not particularly pestered by the teachers because they did not find a response from me to their complaints. (At first, there were a lot of complaints — starting from the form of writing the letter “s” by my son and ending with the “wrong” color of his ues. Then they “came to naught”, because I didn’t “go forward” and affected» neither the letter «s» nor the choice of color in u.e.shek.)

And at home, my son and I quite often told each other about our news (according to the principle “what was interesting for me today”). And I began to notice that in his stories about school, situations of this type are mentioned too often: “Today I started reading such an interesting book — in mathematics.” Or: «Today I started writing the score of my new symphony — on history.» Or: “And Petya, it turns out, plays great chess — we managed to play a couple of games with him in geography.” I thought: why does he even go to school? To study? But in the classroom, he does something completely different. Communicate? But it can also be done outside of school.

And then a truly REVOLUTIONARY REVOLUTION happened in my mind !!! I thought, “Maybe he shouldn’t go to school at all?” My son willingly stayed at home, we continued to think about this idea for several more days, and then I went to the principal of the school and said that my son would no longer go to school.

I’ll be honest: the decision had already been «suffered», so I almost didn’t care what they would answer me. I just wanted to keep the formality and save the school from problems — write some kind of statement so that they calm down. (Later, many of my friends told me: “Yes, you were lucky with the director, but if she didn’t agree …” — yes, it’s not the director’s business! Her disagreement would not change anything in our plans. It’s just that our further actions in this case were would be a little different.)

But the director (I still remember her with sympathy and respect) was sincerely interested in our motives, and I quite frankly told her about my attitude towards the school. She herself offered me a way of further action — I will write a statement that I ask to transfer my child to home schooling, and she will agree at the RONO that my child (because of his supposedly “outstanding” abilities) will study as an “experiment” independently and take exams externally at the same school.

At the time, this seemed like a great solution to us, and we forgot about school almost until the end of the school year. The son enthusiastically took up all those things for which he always did not have enough time: all day long he wrote music and voiced what was written on “live” instruments, and at night he sat at the computer equipping his BBS (if there are “fidoshniks” among readers, they know this abbreviation ; I can even say that he had a «114th node» in St. Petersburg — «for those who understand»). And he also managed to read everything in a row, study Chinese (just like that, it was interesting to him at that time), help me in my work (when I didn’t have time to make some order myself), along the way, fulfill small orders for reprinting manuscripts on different languages ​​and to set up e-mail (at that time it was still considered a very difficult task, you had to invite a «craftsman»), to entertain younger children … In general, he was extremely happy with his newfound freedom from school. And I didn’t feel left out.

In April, we remembered: “Oh, it’s time to study for exams!” The son took out dusty textbooks and intensively read them for 2-3 weeks. Then we went together with him to the director of the school and said that he was ready to pass. This was the end of my participation in his school affairs. He himself in turn «caught» the teachers and agreed with them on the time and place of the meeting. All subjects could be passed in one or two visits. The teachers themselves decided in what form to conduct the “exam” — whether it was just an “interview”, or something like a written test. It is interesting that almost no one dared to give an “A” in their subject, although my child knew no less than ordinary schoolchildren. Favorite rating was «5». (But this did not upset us at all — such was the price of freedom.)

As a result, we realized that a child can have “holidays” for 10 months a year (i.e., do what he is really interested in), and for 2 months go through the program of the next class and pass the necessary exams. After that, he receives a certificate of transfer to the next class, so that at any moment he can “replay” everything and go to study in the usual way. (It should be noted that this thought greatly reassured the grandparents — they were sure that the child would soon «change his mind», would not listen to this «abnormal» mother (that is, me) and would return to school. Alas, he did not return.)

When my daughter grew up, I offered her not to start going to school at all. But she was a «socialized» child: she read children’s books by Soviet writers, where the idea was persistently expressed that it was very «prestigious» to go to school. And I, being a supporter of «free» education, was not going to forbid it to her. And she went to first grade. It lasted almost two years!!! Only towards the end of the second grade did she (finally!) get tired of this empty pastime, and she announced that she would study as an external student, like her older brother. (In addition, she managed to contribute to the “treasury” of family legends, various atypical stories for this school also happened to her.)

I just dropped a stone from my soul. I took another statement to the principal of the school. And now I already had two children of school age who do not go to school. By the way, if someone accidentally found out about this, they asked me embarrassedly: “What are your children sick with?” “Nothing,” I replied calmly. “But then WHY?!!! Why don’t they go to school?!!!» — «Do not want». Silent scene.

Is it possible not to go to school

Can. I’ve known this for 12 years for sure. During this time, two of my children managed to get certificates while sitting at home (since it was decided that this might be useful to them in life), and the third child, like them, does not go to school, but has already passed the exams for elementary school and so far not going to stop there. To be honest, now I no longer think that children need to take exams for every class. I just do not prevent them from choosing the “replacement” for the school that they can think of. (Although, of course, I share my thoughts on this with them.)

But back to the past. Until 1992, it was really believed that every child was obliged to go to school every day, and all parents were obliged to “send” their children there when they reached the age of 7. And if it turned out that someone did not do this, employees of some special organization could be sent to him (it seems that the words “child protection” were in the name, but I don’t understand this, so I could be wrong). In order for a child to have the RIGHT not to go to school, they had to first obtain a medical certificate stating that they «cannot attend school for health reasons.» (That’s why everyone asked me what’s wrong with my kids!)

By the way, much later I found out that in those days some parents (who thought of the idea of ​​not “taking” their children to school before me) simply BUYed such certificates from doctors they knew.

But in the summer of 1992, Yeltsin issued a historic decree declaring that from now on, ANY CHILD (regardless of his state of health) has the right to study at home!!! Moreover, it even said that the school should PAY EXTRA to the parents of such children for the fact that they implement the money allocated by the state for compulsory secondary education not with the help of teachers and not on the premises of the school, but on their own and at home!

In September of the same year, I came to the director of the school to write another statement that this year my child will study at home. She gave me the text of this decree to read. (I didn’t think of writing down its name, number and date then, but now, 11 years later, I don’t remember anymore. If you are interested, look for information on the Internet. If you find it, share it: I will publish it in the mailing list.)

After that I was told: “We will not pay you for your child not attending our school. It’s too hard to get the funds for that. But on the other hand (!) And we won’t take money from you for the fact that our teachers take exams from your child. It suited me perfectly, taking money for the release of my child from school shackles would never have crossed my mind. So we parted, pleased with each other and with the change in our legislation.

True, after a while I took my children’s documents from the school where they took exams for free, and since then they took exams in a different place and for money, but that’s a completely different story (about paid external study, which is organized easier and more conveniently than free, at least that was the case in the 90s).

And last year I read an even more interesting document — again, I don’t remember either the name or the date of publication, they showed it to me at the school where I came to negotiate an external study for my third child. (Imagine the situation: I come to the head teacher and say that I want to enroll the child in school. In the first grade. The head teacher writes down the name of the child and asks for the date of birth. It turns out that the child is 10 years old. And now — the most pleasant. The head teacher reacts to this CALMLY! !!) They ask me for which class he wants to take exams. I explain that we don’t have any graduation certificates for any classes, so we need to start, I guess, from the very first one!

And in response, they show me an official document about the external study, in which it is written in black and white that ANY person has the right to come to ANY public educational institution at ANY age and ask that they take exams for ANY high school class (without asking for any documents about completion of the previous classes!!!). And the administration of this school is OBLIGED to create a commission and take all the necessary exams from him!!!

That is, you can come to any neighboring school, say, at the age of 17 (or earlier, or later — as you like; together with my daughter, for example, two bearded uncles received certificates — well, they suddenly felt like getting certificates) and immediately pass the exams for 11th grade. And get the very certificate that everyone seems to be such a necessary subject.

But this is a theory. Unfortunately, practice is more difficult. One day I (more out of curiosity than need) went to the school closest to my house and asked for an audience with the headmaster. I told her that my children have long and irrevocably stopped going to school, and at the moment I am looking for a place where I can quickly and inexpensively pass exams for the 7th grade. The director (a nice young woman with quite progressive views) was very interested in talking to me, and I willingly told her about my ideas, but at the end of the conversation she advised me to look for another school.

They were really OBLIGED by law to accept my application for admission of my child to school and would indeed allow him to be «homeschooled». There would be no problem with this. But they explained to me that the conservative older teachers who make up the “decisive majority” in this school (at the “pedagogical councils” where contentious issues are resolved) would not agree to MY conditions of “home teaching” so that the child would simply go to each of the teachers once and immediately passed the year course. (It should be noted that I have encountered this problem more than once: where exams for external students are taken by REGULAR teachers, they insistently say that the child CANNOT pass the entire program in one visit !!! He MUST «work out the REQUIRED number of HOURS» i.e. they are absolutely not interested in the real knowledge of the child, they are only concerned about the TIME spent on studying. And they do not see the absurdity of this idea at all …)

They will require the child to take all tests at the end of each term (because they can’t put a «dash» instead of a quarter grade in the class book if the child is on the class list). In addition, they will require that the child has a medical certificate and has made all vaccinations (and by that time we were not “counted” at all in any clinic, and the words “medical certificate” made me dizzy), otherwise he will “infect » other children. (Yeah, it will infect with health and love of freedom.) And, of course, the child will be required to participate in the “life of the class”: wash walls and windows on Saturdays, collect papers on the school grounds, etc.

Such prospects just made me laugh. Obviously, I refused. But the director, nevertheless, did exactly what I needed for me! (Just because she liked our conversation.) Namely, I had to borrow 7th grade textbooks from the library so as not to buy them in the store. And she immediately called the librarian and ordered to give me (free of charge, on receipt) all the necessary textbooks before the end of the school year!

So my daughter read these textbooks and calmly (without vaccinations and «participation in the life of the class») passed all the exams in another place, after which we took the textbooks back.

But I digress. Let’s go back to last year when I brought a 10-year-old into «first grade». The head teacher offered him tests for the first class program — it turned out that he knew everything. Second class — knows almost everything. Third grade — does not know much. She made a study program for him, and after a while he successfully passed the exams for the 4th grade, i.e. «graduated from elementary school.» And if you wish! I could now come to any school and study there further along with my peers.

It’s just that he doesn’t have that desire. Vice versa. To him, such a proposal seems crazy. He does not understand WHY a normal person should go to school.

How to study at home

Many parents think that if a child studies at home, then mom or dad sit next to him from morning to evening and go through the entire school curriculum with him. I have often heard such comments: “Our child goes to school, but we STILL sit with him until late at night every day until all the lessons are done. And if you didn’t walk, it means you have to sit for several hours a day more!!!” When I say that no one “sits” with my children, doing “lessons” with them, they simply do not believe me. They think it’s bravado.

But if you really can’t let your child study without your participation (that is, you intend to “do homework” with him for 10 years), then, of course, home schooling is absolutely not suitable for you. It initially assumes some independence of the child.

If you are ready to agree with the idea that a child is able to learn on his own (regardless of what grades he will be given, because maybe a “3” for presenting his own thoughts is better than a “5” for writing down father’s or mother’s?), then Consider homeschooling as well. Including because it will allow the child to spend less time on what he gets right off the bat, and more time to devote to what he does not immediately understand.

And then it all depends on the worldview of the parents. From what goals you set for yourself. If the goal is a “good certificate” (for admission to a “good university”), this is one situation. And if the goal is the child’s ability to make decisions and make choices, it’s completely different. Sometimes it is possible to achieve both results by setting only one of these goals. But that’s just a side effect. It happens, but not for everyone.

Let’s start with the most traditional goal — with a «good certificate». Immediately determine for yourself the degree of your participation in solving this problem. If it is you who will decide it, and not your child, then you need to take care of good tutors (who will come to your home) and draw up (alone, or together with the child, or together with the child and his teachers) a schedule of classes. And choose the school where your child will take exams and tests. And which will give him exactly such a certificate as you wanted, for example, some special school in the direction in which you intend to «move» your child.

And if you are not going to have full control over the learning process (which seems to me much more natural), then it will be useful to first discuss in detail with the child his own desires, intentions and possibilities. Talk to him about what knowledge he WANTS to get and what he is ready to do for this. Many children who have studied at school are no longer able to plan their own studies. They need a «push» in the form of regular «homework». Otherwise, they fail. But it’s easy to fix. At first, you can really help the child plan his classes and even, perhaps, set some tasks for him, and then, having “passed” a couple of subjects in this mode, he will learn this himself.

The easiest way to make a study plan is to calculate How long time you have to study for exams and How long information you need to “swallow” during this time. For example, your child decided to pass 6 subjects in six months. So, an average of a month for each textbook. (Quite enough.)

Then you take all these textbooks and see that 2 of them are quite thin and read «in one breath» (for example, geography and botany). You decide that each of them can be mastered in 2 weeks. (There is an “extra” month that you can “give away” to the subject that seems most difficult for your child, for example, the Russian language with its confusing rules.) Then look at how many pages there are. Let’s say there are 150 pages of text in a textbook. This means that you can read 10 pages for 15 days, then leaf through the textbook again in a couple of days to repeat the most difficult chapters, and then go take the exam.

Attention: a question for those who think that studying at home is “very difficult”. Can your child read 15 pages a day and remember what it was about? (Perhaps even briefly outline for yourself, using your own conventions and drawings.)

I think most kids will find this too easy. And they will prefer to read not 15, but 50 pages a day, in order to finish this textbook not in 10 days, but in 3! (Some even find it easier to do it IN ONE DAY!)

Of course, not all textbooks are easy to read, and this is not always enough. There is also mathematics, where you need to solve problems, and Russian, where you need to write, and then there is physics and chemistry … But the best ways to study more complex subjects are in the learning process. One has only to start … And even if something does not work out, you can find a tutor in the most difficult subject, in two, in three … Just before that, it is desirable to give the child the opportunity to learn on his own, then he, at least, will begin to understand what exactly he fails.

(I asked my acquaintances who were engaged in tutoring: can they teach ANY child their subject? And what difficulties most often arise? As for “any” — this is not entirely true. Occasionally there were such children who could not be taught anything. And these were always exactly the children whom their parents FORCED to study. And vice versa, those children who previously TRIED to study this subject themselves, but something did not work out for them, moved forward most successfully. Then the help of a tutor turned out to be very helpful, the child began to understand that , which eluded him before, and then everything went fine.)

And finally, again about my personal experience. We tried in different ways: we made plans (usually in the very first year of study as an external student), and let everything “take its course”. They even tried financial incentives. For example, I allocate a certain amount for study, which is enough to pay for three months of classes with teachers (when studying according to the “consultation-test” system). If the child manages to pass everything in exactly 3 months, good. If he doesn’t have time, I sort of “loan him” the missing amount, and then I will need to return it (my older children had sources of income, they regularly worked part-time). And if he hands over faster, he receives the remaining money as a “prize”. (The prizes were won that year, but the idea didn’t catch on. We didn’t do that again. It was just an experiment that was interesting to all participants. But after receiving the results, it stopped being interesting. We already understood how it works.)

Usually my children themselves thought about when and how they would study. Every year I asked them questions about my studies less and less. (Sometimes they themselves turned to me with questions — I helped them if I saw that they really needed my help. But I did not interfere with what they could do themselves.)

One more thing. Many people tell me: “You feel good, your children are so capable, they want to study … But you can’t force ours. They won’t learn if they don’t go to school.» As for «capable» children — a moot point. I have normal children. They, like everyone else, have “ability” for something, and not for something. And they study at home not because they are “capable”, but because nothing prevents them from being interested in learning at home.

Any normal child has a craving for knowledge (remember: from the first years of his life he wonders how many legs a crocodile has, why an ostrich does not fly, what ice is made of, where clouds fly, because this is exactly what he could learn from school textbooks , if I perceived them simply as «books»).

But when he goes to school, they begin to slowly but surely kill this craving. Instead of knowledge, they impose on him the ability to count the required number of cells from the left edge of the notebook. Etc. Further we go, worse it becomes. Yes, and a team imposed on him from the outside. Yes, and state walls (and I generally think that nothing works well in state walls, neither to give birth to children, nor to be treated, nor to study, nor to do some business, however, this is a matter of taste, and “there is no arguing about tastes” , as is known).

Everything is different at home. What seems boring and unpleasant at school seems interesting at home. Recall the moment when a child (even if it is a grade school student) picks up a stack of new textbooks for the first time. He’s interested! He examines the covers, he flips through the textbooks, «hovering» over some pictures … And what’s next? And then surveys, assessments, assignments, notations begin … And it doesn’t occur to him to open the textbook simply because it’s “interesting” …

And if he does not need to go to school and move at a pace imposed on him, doing hundreds of unnecessary actions along the way, then you can calmly (after sleeping, having a leisurely breakfast, chatting with your parents, playing with a cat — fill in the missing) open the same textbook at the right moment and With INTEREST to read what is written there. And to know that no one will call you to the board with a menacing look and accuse you of not remembering everything. And do not hit the briefcase on the head. And will not tell your parents his opinion about your abilities …

That is, at school, knowledge, if it is assimilated, is CONTRARY to the education system. And at home they are digested easily and without stress. And if a child is given the opportunity not to go to school, then, of course, at first he will only rest. Sleep, eat, read, go for a walk, play… As much as you need to «compensate» for the damage caused by the school. But sooner or later the moment will come when he wants to take a textbook and just read …

How to communicate with other children

Easily. A normal child, in addition to classmates, usually has many other acquaintances: those who live in the next house, come to visit with their parents, found where the child was engaged in some interesting business … If the child wants to communicate, he will find friends for himself, regardless of whether whether he goes to school. And if he doesn’t want to, then he doesn’t have to. On the contrary, one should be glad that no one imposes communication on him when he feels the need to «withdraw into himself.»

My children had different periods: sometimes they could sit at home for a whole year and communicate only with family members (although our family was always not small) and correspond with their “virtual” acquaintances. And sometimes they «head» plunged into communication. But most importantly, they themselves chose when they should sit alone, and when they «go out in public.»

And the “people” to whom they “went out” were also chosen by my children themselves, it was not a “collective of classmates” formed at random. These were always the people they wanted to hang out with.

Some people think that «home» children, even if they want to communicate, simply cannot and do not know how to do it. Pretty strange concern. After all, a child does not live in a solitary cell, but in a family where, from birth, he has to communicate every day. (Of course, if people in your family communicate with each other, and do not pass silently by, not noticing each other.) So the main “communication skills” are formed at home, and by no means at school.

But communication at home is usually more complete than at school. The child gets used to freely discuss any topic, express his thoughts, think about the thoughts of the interlocutor, agree with them or object, select weighty arguments in a dispute … At home, he often has to communicate with those who are older than him and “know how” to communicate better, better, more fully. And the child has to «pull up» to the level of normal adult communication. He gets used to respect the interlocutor and build a dialogue depending on the situation …

I agree, there are such «peers» who do not need all this. Which by «communication» understand something else. Who will not conduct dialogues and respect the interlocutor. But after all, your child will also not want to communicate with such people! He will choose others, namely those with whom he himself will be interested.

Another important thing is the bullying and attacks of teenagers on those who are somehow different from others. Or from those who appeared later than others in the «collective». For example, if a child moves to another school at the age of 14, this often turns out to be a difficult test for him.

I confess: my older children conducted such “experiments”. It was interesting for them to try on the role of «newcomer». They started going to school and watched with interest the behavior of the class. Some classmates always tried to «mock». But if the “newcomer” is not offended, not indignant, but frankly having fun listening to their “mockery”, this puzzles them greatly. They do not understand how you can not be offended by their sophisticated metaphors? How can you not take it seriously? And very soon they get tired of «mocking» for nothing.

Another part of classmates immediately puts the stigma «not ours.» Not dressed like that, not wearing the same hairstyle, listening to the wrong music, talking about the wrong things. Well, my children themselves did not seek to be among “ours”. And, finally, the third group is those who immediately became interested in talking with this strange “newcomer”. Those. it was precisely the fact that he was “not like everyone else” that immediately turned away the second group from him and immediately attracted a third group to him.

And among these “thirds” there were precisely those who lacked normal communication and who surrounded the “strange” newcomer with attention, admiration and respect. And then, when my children left this class (having stayed there for 3-4 months — as long as they had the strength to get up early every morning, with our absolutely «owl» home lifestyle), some of these classmates remained their close friends. Moreover, some of them even left the school after them!

And here is what I concluded from these «experiments». It was very EASY for my children to build relationships with the new team. They did not cause stress and strong negative experiences. They perceived school «problems» as a game, and by no means as «tragedies and disasters.» Maybe because while their classmates went to school and expended energy overcoming the difficulties that school put before them (early to rise, sit a lot, malnourished, overwork, quarrel with classmates and be afraid of teachers), my children instead grew up, like flowers, free and joyful. And that is why they have grown STRONGER.

Now about the attitude of other children to those who do not go to school. For 12 years we have seen different things. From stupid laughter of little fools (“Ha ha ha! He doesn’t go to school! He’s a moron!”) ​​to strange forms of envy (“You think you’re smarter than us if you don’t go to school? they bet for money!”) and to sincere admiration (“Lucky you and your parents! I would like that…”).

Most often it happened. When some acquaintances of my children found out that they do not go to school, this caused great surprise. To the point of shock. Questions began, why, how is this possible, who came up with it, how studies are going on, and so on. Many children after that came home, enthusiastically told their parents that — it turns out !!! — YOU MAY NOT GO TO SCHOOL!!! And then — nothing good. Parents did not share this enthusiasm. Parents explained to the child that this is «not for everyone.» That some parents, in some schools, for some children, for some pay… And they are not «some.» And let the child forget forever. Because in OUR school this is not allowed! And point.

And the child the next day with a heavy sigh said to my son: “You are fine, you CAN not go to school, but I CANNOT. My parents told me that this is not allowed in our school.”

Sometimes (apparently, if the child was not satisfied with such an answer), they began to explain to him that he was NORMAL, in contrast to those who DO NOT GO to school. There were two stories here. Or it was explained to him that his friend (ie my child who does not go to school) is actually mentally retarded, so he CANNOT go to school. And it doesn’t “do not want” at all, as they tried to imagine here. And one should not envy him, but on the contrary, one should be glad that “you are normal, and you CAN study at school !!!” Or the parents were «drifted» to the other extreme, and they said that you need to have a lot of money in order to allow your child not to go to school, but simply to «buy» grades for him.

And only a few times in all these years, parents reacted to such a story with interest. They first questioned their child in detail, then mine, then me, and then they also took theirs from school. To the delight of the latter. So I have several “rescued” children from school on my account.

But in most cases, my children’s acquaintances simply thought that my children were lucky with their parents. Because not going to school, in their opinion, is very cool, but no “normal” parent would allow this to their child. Well, my children’s parents are «abnormal» (in many ways), so they were lucky. And there is nothing to try on this way of life, because these are unattainable dreams.

So parents have a chance to make their child’s «unattainable dream» come true. Think about it.

Do my kids like not going to school

The answer is unequivocal: YES. If it were otherwise, they would just go to school. I have never deprived them of such an opportunity, and over the past 12 years there have been several attempts to do this. They themselves were interested in comparing going to school and home freedom. Each such attempt gave them some new sensations (not knowledge! — they did not acquire knowledge at school!) and helped them understand something important about themselves, about others, about life … I.e., undoubtedly, it was very useful experience, but every time the conclusion was the same: at home is better.

I think that it makes no sense to list why they are better off at home. And so everything is already clear, you can do what you are interested in, you yourself decide what to do and when, no one imposes anything on you, you don’t have to get up early and choke on public transport … And so on and so forth …

My daughter described her experience of going to school as follows: “Imagine being very thirsty. And in order to quench your thirst (“thirst” for knowledge), you come to people (in society, to teachers, to school) and ask them to quench your thirst. And then they tie you up, snatch out 5-liter enemas and start pouring some kind of brown liquid into you in huge quantities … And they say that this will quench your thirst … ”Gu.e.vato, but honestly.

And one more observation: a person who has not spent 10 years in a school family is noticeably different from others. There is something in him … As one teacher said about my child — «a pathological sense of freedom.»

For some reason, I just can’t say goodbye to school, after two issues of the mailing list, I received so many letters that I didn’t even have time to answer them. Almost all of the letters contained questions about homeschooling and requests for more information on the subject. (Not counting those short letters where I was simply informed that I «opened my eyes» to some parents.)

I was surprised by such a stormy reaction to the last 2 releases. It seems that the subscribers of the mailing list initially became people who were interested in home births, but here the topic is so far from them … But then I thought that, probably, everything is already clear about home births, but not to send children to school yet few decide. The territory of the unknown.

(“… I read and jumped happily: “Here, here, this is real! So we can do it too!” A feeling comparable to a trip to Moscow once, to a seminar on home birth. It seems that all the information is known from books. But in our town there is no one to talk to about home births, and here they are, several families who gave birth at home, and the Sargunas, who took about 500 births at that time, and gave birth to three out of four children at home. that everything will turn out exactly as planned, was worth the money that we paid for the seminar. So it is with these mailing numbers. We are VERY inspired! Thank you for such a detailed and detailed description!»)

Therefore, I decided to “push back” the planned topics and devote another issue to answering questions from readers. And at the same time publish one interesting letter.

Letters from readers and answers to questions

Writing: When to Use Homeschooling

“… Struck to the core! Thank you for the REVELATION, for our family (and for me personally) it was a real discovery that this can be done and that someone is already doing it. I remember my school years with horror and contempt. I don’t like to name a school, I’m just afraid to give my future children to be torn to pieces by this monster, I don’t want them to suffer such torture … »

“…Your article shocked me. I myself graduated from high school 3 years ago, but the memories are still fresh. School for me is, first of all, the lack of freedom, the control of teachers over children, the terrible fear of not answering, screaming (it even came to swearing). And until now, for me, a human teacher is something out of this world, I am afraid of them. Recently, a friend who worked as a teacher for 2 months said that now it’s a nightmare in schools — in her time, one boy was so humiliated by the teacher that she, an adult woman, wanted to fall through the ground. And what happened to the child? And they are humiliated like that almost every day.

Another story that happened to a distant friend of my mother — a boy of 11, having overheard a telephone conversation between his mother and a teacher (he was given 2), jumped out the window (he survived). I don’t have children yet, but I’m very afraid to send them to school. Even in the best, after all, the «breaking» of the child’s «I» on the part of teachers is inevitable. In general, you touched on a very interesting topic. I have never heard anything like it…”

Xenia’s answer

ڪينيا

Of course, not everyone has such gloomy memories of school. But the very fact that they exist (and not only for one person, who, perhaps, is “to blame” for his inability to “adjust”, but for many!) makes one think. If school seems like a “monster” to some children, and these children do not expect “good and eternal” from teachers, but only humiliation and screaming, then isn’t this a good enough reason to “save” our children from such a risk?

At the very least, don’t be in a hurry to say «we have a good school» or «we will find a good school». Try to understand if your child needs school and at this particular age. Try to imagine what exactly the school will make of your child, and whether you want it. And how exactly your child will react to this «remake» of his personality. (And would you yourself want to be treated the way children are treated in schools?)

However, there are no general recipes here, as in any business. Except «do no harm».

In some situations, going to school can be more beneficial than staying at home if the school gives the child something better than he can get at home. The simplest example is uneducated parents who drink alcohol and a house where there are no books and computers, and where interesting guests do not come. Of course, a child can get much more at school than in such a “house”. But I believe that there are no such families among the readers of the mailing list and cannot be.

Another example is parents who leave for work early in the morning and return late in the evening, tired and insane. Even if the child is very interested in communicating with them and with their guests (say, on weekends), he will like to stay at home only if he is not too sociable at all and knows how to enjoy being alone. If it is not enough for him to communicate only on weekends, but he wants to communicate every day, then, of course, it is at school that he will be able to satisfy this need.

The third example is that parents are quite capable of giving their child a lot of time, but the circle of his interests is too different from the circle of interests of parents and their friends. (Let’s say a child grows up in a family of musicians who is “obsessed” with programming, and they cannot connect three words on this topic.) In such a situation, the child may well find a suitable social circle for himself at school.

So I repeat: sometimes going to school is clearly better than staying at home. It’s «sometimes», not «always». Before making a decision about whether this particular child of yours needs a school, think about what he is interested in and where he will be able to realize his interests better: at home or at school. And is he strong enough to protect himself from the encroachments of peers and teachers on his personal freedom.

Writing: textbooks for elementary grades

“It is not clear to me how your children themselves were engaged at the age of 7-9 years. After all, it is still difficult for them at this age with textbooks, where soft, hard sounds, etc. are painted. (the most difficult thing is to understand the textbooks of a cousin, she is 8), it is also difficult to figure out mathematics, how can a child independently understand addition, division, etc., even if he already reads well, it seems to me that this is generally impossible to do without the help of an adult «.

Xenia’s answer

ڪينيا

I completely agree that few of the children at the age of 7 are interested and understand everything that is written in school textbooks for elementary grades. (Of course, I saw these textbooks and was also surprised at how complicated and confusing everything was, as if the authors had set themselves the goal of instilling in children and parents that no one would understand this on their own, so go to school and listen to the teacher. ) But I made a different conclusion from this, but does a 7-year-old child need to understand all this? Let him do what he is interested in and what he does well.

When I took my «first steps» in this direction, i.e. I just picked up the child from school and transferred him to «home schooling», it still seemed to me that it was necessary to maintain the appearance that the child was moving «in parallel» with his peers — at 7 years old he passed tests for grade 1, at 8 — for the second, and so Further. But then (with the third child) I realized that no one needs it.

If a 10-year-old child takes textbooks for grades 1, 2, 3, then he is able to quickly and easily understand everything that is written there. And almost without adult intervention. (I was also told about this by a teacher who has been taking exams for external students for elementary school for more than 10 years: children who start studying at 9-10 years old go through the entire elementary school in a few months without stress. And those who start studying at 6 -7 years old, move much slower.. not because they are dumber!!! It’s just that they are not yet ready to «digest» such volumes of information and get tired faster.) So is it worth starting at 7 years old to finish elementary school at 10, if possible start closer to 10 and make it several times faster?

True, there is one subtlety here. If a child under 9-10 years old not only did not go to school, but did nothing at all (lay on the couch and watched TV), of course, he is unlikely to be able to go through the entire elementary school program quickly and easily. But if he has long since learned to read and write (albeit not in the way they teach in copybooks), if he has been doing some interesting things all these years (that is, he has developed, and not stood still), then the school curriculum is not cause him no trouble.

He is already used to solving the “tasks” that he faced in some other areas of activity, and mastering the school curriculum becomes for him just “another task”. And he can easily cope with it, because he has acquired «problem-solving skills» in other areas.

Writing: Choice and Responsibility

“… I can’t believe that children go through the school curriculum without the help of adults. And it doesn’t look like you have home teachers who constantly work with your children. So you teach them yourself?

Xenia’s answer

ڪينيا

No, I rarely interfere in the “learning process”. Only if the child has a specific question that I can answer him.

I’m going the other way. I’m just trying to convey to their minds the idea (starting from early childhood) that they themselves must make a choice and make efforts to realize this choice. (This is a skill that many children sorely lack.) In doing so, I leave children with the RIGHT to make choices that I don’t think are right. I leave them the right to make their own mistakes.

And if they themselves decide that they NEED to study the school curriculum, then this is already 90% success. Because in this case they do not study “for their parents”, not “for a teacher” and not “for evaluation”, but for themselves. And it seems to me that the knowledge acquired in THIS way is of the highest quality. Even if they are smaller.

And I see the task of «education» precisely in this — to teach the child to understand what he needs. To him, not to his relatives. I want my children to study not because «everyone is learning» or because «it’s supposed to be», but because they need it themselves. If needed.

True, here, as elsewhere, there are no universal «recipes». I am already on this path with my third child, and every time I stumble upon NEW obstacles. All my children have a completely different attitude to school and life. And each one needs a special approach, completely new, completely different from what I have already managed to come up with before. (Each child is a new adventure with an unpredictable outcome.)

Letter: study motivation

“…Although, the issue of motivating children to study remained relevant for me. Well, why do they need it? How did you motivate? Did you say that you can’t achieve anything in life without education? Or were they interested in each new subject, and on this interest the whole subject was overcome?

Xenia’s answer

ڪينيا

I don’t have a «systemic» approach. Rather, just talk about life. Children, for example, quite clearly imagine what my work consists of — if possible, I answer all children’s questions in great detail. (Well, for example, my 4-year-old daughter sits on my lap when I edit the text, and clicks on the scissors when I select an unnecessary piece — from her point of view, she “works” with me, and along the way I I tell her in detail what we are doing and why. I may “lose” 10-15 minutes on this, but I will talk with the child once again.)

And the children understand that such work is usually done by people who have received certain knowledge and know how to do something that needed special study. And they somehow naturally have the idea that you must first learn, so that later you can do in life what you like and are interested in.

And what exactly they are interested in is what they are looking for themselves. I am not inclined to interfere in this process. If you do not restrict access to information, the child will find what he needs. And when the interest has already formed, of course I will be happy to keep the conversations on these topics, as long as I can. From some point on, the child “overtakes” me in what he is interested in, and then I remain only an interested listener.

I noticed that from the age of 10-11, my children usually become a “source of information” for me, they can already tell me a lot of things that I have never heard of. And it does not upset me at all that each of them has his own “sphere of interest”, which does not include most of the “school subjects”.

Letter: what if they don’t want to study?

“… And what did you do in the case of a malicious multi-day “rest” of a child from school?”

Xenia’s answer

ڪينيا

No way. Now it’s already October, and my son (like a «fifth grader») still doesn’t remember that it’s time to study. When he remembers, we will talk about this topic. Older children usually remembered somewhere by February, and by April they began to learn. (I don’t think that you need to study every day. The rest of the time they don’t spit at the ceiling, but they also do something, that is, the “brains” still work.)

Letter: do you need control

“… And how were they at home during the day? Under your supervision, or was there a nanny, a grandmother … Or were you alone at home from the first grade?

Xenia’s answer

ڪينيا

I realized that I no longer wanted to go to work when my second child was born. And for many years now I have been working only from home. So the children were very rarely left at home alone. (Only when they themselves want to satisfy their need for solitude, which every person has. Therefore, when the whole family is going somewhere, one of the children may well say that he wants to stay at home alone and no one will be surprised.)

But we didn’t have “supervision” (in the sense of “control”) either: I go about my business, they do theirs. And if there is a need to communicate — this can be done almost at any time. (If I’m doing something urgent or important, I just tell my child exactly when I’m going to take a break from work. Often, by this time, the child has time to make tea and is waiting for me in the kitchen for communication.)

If the child really needs my help, and I’m not busy with urgent work, of course, I can put my affairs aside and help.

Probably, if I went to work for the whole day, my children would study differently. Maybe they would be more willing to go to school (at least in the first years of study). Or maybe, on the contrary, they would be pleased to feel their complete independence and independence, and they would gladly sit at home alone.

But I don’t have that experience, and I don’t think I ever will. I enjoy being at home so much that I don’t think I’ll ever choose another way of life.

Letter: what if you like the teacher?

“… I am surprised that during the entire time your children have been studying, they have not come across at least one interesting subject teacher in schools. Did they really not want to study any of the subjects more deeply (not just to master the school minimum)? In many subjects, school textbooks are quite poor (boring, badly written, simply outdated or uninteresting). A good teacher finds a variety of materials for the lesson from different sources, and such lessons are very interesting, they do not have the desire to chat with a friend, read a book, do algebra homework, etc. A mediocre teacher makes you take notes from the textbook and retell close to the text. Am I the only one who is so lucky with teachers? I liked going to school. I liked most of my teachers. We went hiking, we talked on a variety of topics, discussed books. I would probably lose a lot if I sat at home and mastered textbooks … »

Xenia’s answer

ڪينيا

In a nutshell, all these opportunities that you write about are available not only to those who go to school. But I will try to answer everything in order.

If a child is interested in some particular subject that cannot be studied at home, you can go to school only for these lessons, and take everything else as an external student. And if he is not interested in chemistry and physics, you can pass the exam without any experiments. Homeschooling allows you not to waste time on what the child is not interested in.

As for interesting teachers, of course, there were such. But is that a good reason to go to school? At home, among the guests, there were no less interesting people with whom it was possible to communicate one on one, and not in a crowd, on the same topics. But personal communication is much more interesting than sitting in a classroom among a crowd of students.

As for the in-depth study of individual subjects — is it necessary to do this at school? There are many books and other sources of information for this. In addition, at school there are “frameworks” set by the program, but there are no frames for independent study. (For example, by the age of 14, my son was already quite fluent in English, and he passed school tests “on the fly”, not even knowing in advance what they would ask there. Well, why would he need school English, even with a good teacher? )

You write that a good teacher, in addition to textbooks, uses a variety of materials, but a curious child also finds a variety of materials if he is interested in this subject. Books, encyclopedias, the Internet — whatever.

About campaigns and conversations on abstract topics. So my children did not sit at home all alone. They did the same! Only not with «classmates», but with friends (who, however, were older and therefore even more interesting). By the way, it was possible to go hiking with fellow students not only during school holidays, but at any time of the year and for any number of days.

My daughter, for example, has as many as 4 “hiking” companies (she was taken on such trips from the age of 12) — climbers, cavers, kayakers and those who just love to live in the forest for a long time. And between trips, they often visit us at home, and my other children also know them and can also go on some kind of trip with their sister. If they want.

Letter: find a good school

“… Haven’t you just tried to find a good school with good teachers? Isn’t there anything interesting in all the schools you tried that would be worth learning?

Xenia’s answer

ڪينيا

My kids tried it themselves when they wanted to. For example, in the last 2 school years, my daughter studied at a certain special school, where it was very difficult to enter (she found this school herself, passed her exams perfectly and studied there for 2 years in a “daily” mode).

She just wanted to try what medicine is, and at this school they had an internship in a hospital, and along with the certificate she received a diploma in nursing. She did not see another way to explore the «underside of medicine», so she made such a choice. (I’m not happy with this choice, but I would never deprive her of the right to make her own choice, make a decision and achieve her goal. I think this is the main thing that I, as a parent, should have taught her.)

Letter: why should a child earn extra money?

“… You mentioned that your children worked part-time and had some sources of income in those months when they did not go to school. But why is this necessary? In addition, I don’t understand at all how a child can earn extra money, if even adults find it difficult to find work? They didn’t unload the wagons, I hope?”

Xenia’s answer

ڪينيا

No, they didn’t think of wagons. It all started with the fact that I myself offered my eldest son (who was then 11 years old) to work for me a little. I sometimes needed a typewriter for typing in different languages, including Finnish. And my son did it very quickly and with high quality — and he did it for the same fee that was set for «foreign» typeists. Then he gradually began to translate simple documents (of course, then his work was carefully checked, but as an “apprentice” he suited me perfectly) and even worked for me as a courier from the age of 12.

Then, when my son grew up and began to live separately, he was “replaced” by my eldest daughter, who also worked for me as a typist and courier. She also wrote reviews for magazines with my husband — they had a clear division of responsibilities in the preparation of these materials, and she received a certain share of the fee. Monthly.

Why is this needed? It seems to me, to realize their place in the material world. Many children have a very vague idea of ​​what money is and where it comes from. (I know pretty grown-up «kids» (over 20s) who are capable of making their mom row because she didn’t buy them some sweater or a new monitor.)

If a child has tried to do some work for money, then he has a clearer idea that any money is associated with someone else’s efforts. And there is an understanding of the responsibility that you take on by taking on some kind of work.

In addition, the child simply receives useful life experience, he learns to spend the money he earns in the best way. After all, not everyone knows how to do this, but they don’t teach this at school.

And one more useful «side effect» — work, oddly enough, stimulates the desire for knowledge. Having tried to earn money, the child begins to understand that the amount of money depends on what he can do. You can be a courier, go on errands and get little, or you can write an article and get the same amount of money in much less time. And you can learn something else and earn even more. He begins to think about what he really wants from life. And trying to find the best way to achieve this goal. Often the best way is to study! So we approached the answer to the question of stimulating learning from a different angle.

And now — the promised interesting letter.

Writing: The Homeschooling Experience

Vyacheslav from Kyiv:

I would like to share some of my experiences (mostly positive, «though not without losses») and my thoughts on «not going to school».

My experience is mine, and not the experience of my children — it was I who did not go to school, or rather, almost did not go. It turned out so “on its own”: my father left to work in a remote village, for a number of quite obvious reasons, there was no point in transferring to the local school (which was, moreover, about seven kilometers away). On the other hand, it was to some extent a conscious choice: my mother stayed in Moscow, and, in principle, I could not go anywhere. I lived all the same here and there. In general, I remained nominally assigned to a school in Moscow, and studied while sitting in a village hut four hundred kilometers from this hero city.

By the way: this was before 1992, and there was no legislative basis then, but it is always possible to agree, formally I continued to study in some class. Of course, the director’s position is important (and he, a «perestroika» liberal, seemed to be simply interested in my case). But I do not remember at all that there were any obstacles on the part of teachers (although, of course, there was surprise and misunderstanding).

Initially, there was a push from the parents, and for the first time, my mother went and agreed with the director, but then, before the next classes, she went, negotiated, took textbooks, etc. already myself. Parental policy was inconsistent, then I was forced to do all the exercises from textbooks in algebra and other geometries in a row, then for months they forgot that I was “like studying” in general. Pretty quickly, I realized that it’s ridiculous to go through this heresy for a YEAR, and either I score more (out of boredom), or I study faster.

Having passed the exams for one class in the spring, I took textbooks for the next for the summer, and in the fall I was transferred (after a fairly easy procedure) through the class; I took three classes the next year. Then it became more difficult, and the last class I already studied “normally” at school (we returned to Moscow), although it’s also relatively, I went to school two or three days a week, because there were other things, I worked part-time, went in for sports a lot etc.

I left school at the age of 14. I’m 24 today, and I can, perhaps, suddenly it’s interesting to someone, say, if someone is considering the «pluses» and «cons» of such a system? — try to determine what this experience gave me, what it deprived me of and what are the pitfalls in such a case.

سولڊس:

• I escaped the barracks atmosphere of the school. My hair stands on end when my wife (who graduated from school in the usual way and earned a gold medal) tells me about her school experience, it is simply unfamiliar to me, and I am incredibly glad about it. I am unfamiliar with all these idiocy with cells from the edge of the page, «the life of the team», etc.
• I could manage my own time and do what I wanted. I wanted a lot of things, although none of the subjects that I then enthusiastically and a lot engaged in, for example, drawing, never came in handy for me, and this did not become my profession, etc. Do not exaggerate the ability of an 11-12-year-old child to choose his future profession. At the most, I was able to formulate what I would never do, which is already good — I didn’t spend a lot of effort on all these algebras and other geometries … (My wife, for example, tells what she could not do and that she was forced to quit in the last grades of the school, because I didn’t have time to do my homework!I didn’t have such a problem, I devoted just enough time to the school curriculum to pass and forget, calmly read to myself the filings of the magazines “Technology-Youth” and “Science and Religion” for several for decades, running cross-country shoes, grinding stones into powder (for natural paint used in icon painting) and much more.)
• I was able to finish school early and get a head start, for example, in the face of an “honorable duty” looming in me (as in any healthy male) on the horizon. I immediately entered the institute, and off we go … I graduated from it at 19, entered graduate school …
• They say that if you do not study at school, then it will be difficult at the institute, unless, of course, you go to one. Nonsense. At the institute, it’s already (and the further — the more) it’s not the cells from the edge of the page that are important, but the ability to work independently, which is precisely achieved (it sounds awkward somehow, but it’s true) by the experience of independent work, which I had . It was much easier for me than for many classmates, no matter how many years they were older than me, to follow the path of scientific work, I did not need guardianship from the supervisor, etc. Actually, now I am engaged in scientific work, and quite successfully.
• Of course, I don’t have a “Pyaterochny” certificate. And it is unlikely that I would have received a gold medal completely on my own, without tutors, etc., even if I had set myself such a task. But is she worth it? It’s for someone like. For me, it’s definitely not worth it.
• Still, there are things that can be useful in life, but which a child cannot learn on his own (it is clear that there are guys with different abilities for different subjects, etc., but I’m only talking about my experience …). Languages, for example. From my attempts to independently leaf through textbooks alternately in English and German in my school years, I did not endure absolutely nothing. Later I had to make up for this with great effort, and until now foreign languages ​​​​(and it is vital for me to know them due to the specifics of my activity!) I have a weak spot. I’m not saying that you can learn a language at school, it’s just that if there is at least some kind of teacher, then learning a language is much easier, and learning it, at least theoretically, is realistic.
• Yes, I personally had problems with communication. It is clear that this is the specificity of my case, I had no one to communicate with in the yard, in circles, etc. But when I returned to school, there were problems. I won’t say that it was painful for me, although it’s unpleasant, of course, but before the institute I simply didn’t really communicate with anyone. But I will clarify: we are talking about peers. On the other hand, it was very easy for me to communicate with “adults”, and later with teachers and “bosses” in general, in front of whom many guys, how to say, well, of the same status as me, were shy. It’s hard for me to say what happened in the end minus or plus. Rather, a plus, but the period of lack of communication with classmates and peers in general was not wildly pleasant.

Such are the results of the experience.

Xenia’s answer

ڪينيا

“I left school at the age of 14.” This is the point that interests me the most. My children didn’t want to skip classes, they just passed the program of the next class at the END of the school year, and then for 9-10 months (from June to April) they didn’t remember about school at all.

I asked my friends, whose children entered universities early — how did they feel there? Among older people, with some responsibility for themselves (which at school, as it were, is assigned to teachers)? They told me that they did not experience any discomfort. It is even easier for a teenager to communicate with adults (with those who are 17-19 years old or older) than with peers. Because among peers there is something like «competition», which often turns into a desire to «lower» others in order to «elevate» oneself. Adults don’t have it anymore. Moreover, they have no desire to “belittle” a teenager”, who is several years younger, he is not their “competitor” at all. Could you tell us more about your relationship with your classmates?

Vyacheslav’s answer

Vyacheslav:

Relations were very good. Actually, from school I did not keep any acquaintances and even friendly relations; I still keep in touch with many of my classmates (the fifth year after I graduated). There was never any negative attitude on their part, or arrogance, or anything else. Apparently, people are «adults», and, as you noticed, they did not perceive me as a competitor … Only now I perceived them as competitors.

I had to prove to myself that I was not «little». So some psychological — well, not really problems … but there was some discomfort. And then — well, at the institute there are girls, they are so “adults” and all that, but me? It seems to be smart, and I pull myself up twenty times, and I run every morning, but I don’t arouse interest in them …

All the same, there were things in which the age difference was felt. I didn’t have, how to say, a certain experience in the field of various “nonsense” that you can pick up from peers at school (of course, the last year when I “sort of studied”, I actively grabbed these stupidities, but the difference between the life “background” and freshmen, of course, felt).

You can imagine how it was perceived in adolescence. But such “discomfort” (rather conditional; I just tried to remember if there was something in which the age difference was felt) was at the university only at the very beginning, in the first year.

بعد ۾

I hope that I have already answered the main questions of readers. Various small tasks that arise along the way (where to find a suitable school for an external student, where to take tests for elementary grades, how to help a child “get involved” in home schooling, etc.) will be solved by themselves after you accept final decision. The main thing is to make a choice and calmly follow the goal. Both you and your children. I wish you good luck on this path.